Generating A Lot Of BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ: Vuvuzelas Attack Miami, Baseball Team Loses.

It must have seemed like a good idea at the time.

Wait, that’s not right. It cannot POSSIBLY have seemed like a good idea at the time. And yet, inexplicably, some marketing whiz employed by Major League Baseball’s Florida Marlins did it anyway.

By now, you’re aware of the Attack of the Vuvuzelas at the World Cup, right? These fan horns from hell, which you can listen to here, sound like a swarm of killer bees on HGH (or atomic mutant bees, if you’re into 1950s sci-fi). At once enjoyable to thousands of horn-blowing fans and irritating to, well, everyone else on the planet, vuvuzelas have inspired worldwide consternation. Nothing so annoying has become such a huge news story since Justin Bieber.

Anyhoo, back to the Florida Marlins marketing team. They apparently got the idea that the instrument that makes the world’s most migraine-inducing noise would be a perfect promotional giveaway to 15,000 fans.

File the unfortunate results under “P” for poetic justice: Not only did the vuvus go over just about exactly as you might suspect in the popularity department, but they also cost the Marlins a victory. The Fish lost because a strategic player switch that their manager relayed to the umpire was misunderstood amid the BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

The good news here is that marketing personnel who are put in charge of consumer giveaways now have two case studies of promotions to avoid at any cost: One is the WKRP Turkey Drop (“oh, the humanity!”). The other is vuvuzelas.

What do you think about this? I’d like to hear from you. Thoughts?

HATT TIPP: The Beheading of Donna Reed, Courtesy of Kraft Mac & Cheese

It just warms this creative’s heart when I see an old brand successfully pull off some new tricks. Especially when that brand falls into the category of “traditional old dyed-in-the-wool CPG product.” Such brands, as you know, rarely push the edge of the creative envelope. So when they do, it raises eyebrows…and in this case, the creative bar.

Things don’t get much more boring than Kraft Mac & Cheese, which time-crunched moms have dished out to eager kiddies for decades and decades. Think advertising for the brand, and you’d rightly conjure pablum such as latter-day Donna Reeds with two very white, very blonde urchins lapping up the fattening fare laid gracefully, lovingly before them.

And hey, it’s not without real-world substantiation: My 6- and 4-year-old could subsist solely on KM&C — which makes stocking our bomb shelter an absolute breeze. (Hey, now there’s a campaign strategy.)

But lo! Lookey what’s going on at Kraft. They hired Crispin Porter & Bogusky to jazz up the brand’s advertising. Off with Donna Reed’s head — and buh-bye to last year’s recession-fueled “dollar a box” ads — and in with a campaign that appeals strategically to adults, via both the brand’s built-in nostalgia and its guilty pleasure. The tagline: “You know you love it.”

w00t w00t! Oh, but it gets better. CP&B must have put some of its best copywriters on the project, because the campaign carries such outstanding headlines as:

“Outgrow outgrowing it”

“Imported from your childhood”

…and my fave:

“The most fun you can have with your stove on” (and don’t you love the elbow mac smile?)

That’s great stuff, folks. And even greater when you consider, again, that it’s for a rather schlumpy brand that needed a little goosing. So, a Fatt Lipp Hatt Tipp to Crispin Porter, and to the Kraft marketing execs who must have downplayed the importance of focus grouping (no way any of the above gets by Peoria) and approved this very fun campaign.

How To Lie Like A Corporate Bigwig

One of the hidden benefits of watching those Senate/ Congressional hearings that call corporate bigwigs on the carpet is learning how to lie effectively.

Whether it’s last month’s grilling of the Goldman Sachs team, or last year’s collision with GM beggars, or last decade’s smoke-out of tobacco industry executives (“our research showed that nicotine is not addictive”), you can learn some great lessons on being deceitful in convincing fashion.

If you’re thinking that corporate fat cats lie better than the average kitty, guess what? You’re not being a populist, anti-bigbiz bigot. A recent Harvard Business Review article confirms your suspicions.

In HBR‘s May 2010 issue, Professor Dana Carney of Columbia University’s Graduate School of Business tells of her recent study, which found that “a sense of power buffers individuals from the stress of lying and increases their ability to deceive others.”

For most people, lying is stressful and produces involuntary physical reactions, similar to the “tells” that bad poker players reveal. But, says Carney, “Disturbingly, high-power liars don’t display these telltale signs.”

What are those signs? Carney’s research revealed the following tells in bad liars. Avoid them, and you, too, can lie as successfully as a bigwig on Capitol Hill…

1. Speech. Bad liars utter more syllables per second, at a higher pitch, and repeat words and sentences more.

2. Shoulders. Bad liars shrug more. But in trying to suppress the lie, they produce a distinct half-shrug. (Think A-Rod’s interview denying steroid use.)

3. Eyes. Bad liars’ pupils dilate as they fib.

4. Mouth. Bad liars press their lips together and involuntarily smirk when they think they’ve gotten away with a lie. (Yup, A-Rod again.)

There’s lots more good stuff that came out of Carvey’s study. You can read all about it here. I think you’ll enjoy the article.

Honest.

Talladega Days

I don’t know how many of you watch NASCAR racing. My 4-year-old is a car and truck addict, which means dad is engaging in such heretofore unprecedented activities as attending Monster Truck Rallies (I kid you not) and watching zoom-zoom on TV on weekend afternoons.

The bright side: While watching Sunday’s NASCAR event at Talladega — you missed it? really? — I got to see a pearl of a TV commercial from UPS, which very cleverly leveraged its status as exclusive trackside courier to NASCAR.

I have no idea who won Sunday’s race. I think it was some guy in a helmet. But at least part of the afternoon was worthwhile viewing, thanks to the UPS spot (which blessedly forgoes the white-board guy, whose welcome had been well-overstayed).

And now, it’s yours to view, without having to wade through 43 souped-up Toyotas and Chevys going round and round, very loudly and very fast. Enjoy…

In & Out, 04/20/10

Another entry in Fatt Lipp’s ongoing series of business terms and phrases that are on the rhetorical rise, as well as those that have been overplayed and are ripe for retirement:

IN: “The New Normal“

Cutting-edge? No. “The New Normal” has been around since the beginnings of the economic recovery — at least a year — and refers to whatever form the global economy is going to take in the years following the Great Recession. So this isn’t an on-the-rise phrase. The reason it’s here is to serve notice: The New Normal’s freshness expiration date is rapidly approaching. Last call for usage.

OUT: “That’s how I roll”

At one time, this was a hip colloquialism meaning “that’s just the way I am.” (e.g. “I could watch a Yankee game in the afternoon and attend a ballet in the evening. That’s how I roll.”) Since then, though, it’s wended its way into conference room conversation. And when grey-templed business people begin tossing off Williamsburg-esque phrases, that’s when you know it’s officially OUT time. Buh-bye, “roll.”

Dead Man Scolding: The 34-Word Jackpot

Okay, so by now everyone has seen the Tiger commercial, right? The one where Earl Woods scolds his son from the grave about misuse of his putter?

It seems everyone with a keyboard and an opinion has commented on it. As well they should. It was, depending on one’s own inference, either a highly creative or an unspeakably crass move by Nike, disinterring the elder Woods and using his words out of context to change Tiger’s stripes to the public.

Fatt Lipp’s take? I’ll let the Appropriateness Police make value judgments. For my part, I couldn’t help but put myself in the shoes of the Wieden+Kennedy CD in charge of the concept. He/she undoubtedly started with this idea: a scolding from Tiger’s dad. Nice concept, sure, but trying to execute it brings a monumental challenge: finding a suitable audio clip of Earl Woods lecturing Tiger.

How many hours of mpegs and old TV footage and such would one have to pore through? And even at that, come on, what really are the odds of finding a clip that would apply to the current situation?

So imagine, just imagine, that CD’s (or copywriter’s, or whoever’s) unmitigated joy when stumbling upon the following 34 words: ”Tiger, I am more prone to be inquisitive, to promote discussion. I want to find out what your thinking was, I want to find out what your feelings are, and did you learn anything.”

Ho. Lee. Crap. Cue the 49er discovering a gold nugget in a California stream. “I’ve got it!” I can hear the lucky creative exclaiming. “Eureka! I’ve got it! Call Nike! We’ve got this thing written, signed, sealed and delivered!”

There are few greater joys for an ad creative than to see the germ of a concept take beautiful shape. That, some may argue, is the thrill we live for. It’s why we got into this business. And the feeling never gets old.

So let the media expound (and pound and pound) on the appropriateness of the spot. I just keep thinking about the thrill of hitting a 34-word jackpot.

And you? What are your thoughts?

These Social Media Kids Today…

There’s a downside to having been around the marketing block a time or two: When you take issue with the hysteria surrounding a new idea or tactic, you come off sounding like the old codger rocking on his porch yelling at kids to get off his lawn.

Now, first let me say that I am enthralled by the explosion of new media in general and social media in particular. How can you not be? It’s exciting, even game-changing stuff. But the game that it is changing isn’t branding and marketing strategy, but rather, the tactical mix for executing that strategy.

The basic tenets of branding and marketing strategy remain the same as they ever were — even waaaaaay back in the 1990s; social media just gives us another means of implementing it.

Yet, senior-level professionals like myself have to be careful about soap-boxing the above declaration. It’s just too easy to be labeled as out of touch by social media fanatics.

That’s why it’s so gratifying to read a piece like Pete Blackshaw’s “Marketers, Get Back to Boring” article in a recent Ad Age. “We’ve got too much sizzle in the system right now,” Blackshaw writes. “Social media garnishes every marcom conference and discussion. We’re obsessed….All well and good, but still, we’re off-keel. We’re embracing things as though they are bold new concepts when in fact they are as foundational to marketing as a selling line. We’re dissing fundamentals.”

Blackshaw goes on to advocate an initiative to get back to boring. “Maybe what’s missing in our ‘social’ marketing  transformation is the really boring and basic stuff. Maybe dull drives digital. Maybe fundamentals face us forward. Maybe boring is breakthrough.”

Maybe Blackshaw has a point. And a good one. So go ahead, social marketeers, and play on the lawn. Just don’t think you’re the first ones to do so.

How to Twitter Without Tweeting: ‘Tis Better To Receive

I hear you. You don’t have time to tweet. Or you don’t think that anything you have to say is particularly tweet-worthy. And as a result, you think Twitter is a waste of time.

Hold on. Benefiting from Twitter doesn’t have to mean firing off 140-character quasi-pearls into the ether. In fact, a much more worthwhile endeavor might just be reading other people’s 140-character pearls from the ether.

Twitter users write 50 million tweets a day. Somewhere in there is bound to be content you’re interested in. It’s just a matter of identifying which content and where it resides.

The New York Times’ Claire Cain Miller has some excellent ideas on how to do so. In a recent article, she demonstrates that you could use Twitter in multiple ways, such as:

• Creating a customized news feed (your own RSS!) on a very, very specific topic.
• Generating a list of people who tweet about your interests, such as industry pundits or celebrities or experts.
• Attending a virtual conference, and skip thousands of dollars in attendance fees.
• Getting answers to your questions about just about anything, because you now have a community of tens of millions who can help.

(Here, again, is the link to the full NYT article.)

So, if you’ve avoided Twitter because you believe you have nothing to give, then focus on receiving. And hey, isn’t that more fun anyway?

Of FarmVille and Dry Cleaners and the Top 5 Ways To Market Your Business with LinkedIn

It has to be exciting for the engineers, designers and innovators of social media, creating so many options, apps and utilities for their sites.

But for those outside the circle — and especially those who value their time — all those offerings can be a tad overwhelming. And sometimes, harsh choices must be made. In a social media world that spits in the face of simplicity, you must determine what stays in your Favorites bar and what goes.

Take Facebook. It’s a great way to connect with friends and family. But when 80% of its content becomes daily uber-minutiae (you’re headed to the dry cleaners? tell me more!) and another 10% are FarmVille updates and Bejeweled Blitz medals and other day-wasting apps designed for little else but keeping people Facebooked, well, let’s just say that I’m not the target audience. (Don’t bother trying to sell me on a business Facebook page; I’m  a B2B branding/ marketing communications consultant, and gain very little value from having a Facebook page).

Now, LinkedIn? Okay, now you’re talking. All business, all contacts, all the time. I’ve grown revenue from LinkedIn. And for me, ROI is the holy grail. (Put it this way: There’s no way I’d spend $25 a month to subscribe to Facebook.)

If you suspect that you haven’t fully optimized the business-building benefits of Linked, have a look at this enlightening piece from Social Media Examiner, called “Top 5 Ways to Market Your Business With LinkedIn.” There’s some very good stuff in there.

What about you? Have you reaped actual business directly from LinkedIn? How? Share your stories! I’d like to hear them. And okay, I’m perfectly willing to listen to your Facebook business-building tales as well. I am an open-minded curmudgeon.

FATT TIPPs: The Seven Secrets of Successful Subject Lines

Frequenters of email marketing know that the Subject Line is one of its most critical components. With hundreds of emails dropping into individuals’ inboxes on a daily basis, the vast majority of unsolicited or unfamiliar ones will be deleted without even being opened. The only deterrent you have is a compelling Subject Line.

To that end, the good folks at XDXY eMarketing Tips have nailed some important tips for crafting email Subject Lines that elicit click-through. In a nutshell, they are:

1. No asterisks, no symbols, no all-caps, no extra spacing. They trigger spam warnings and look unprofessional. And as we all know, CAPITALS LETTERS EQUAL SHOUTING. WHO WANTS TO BE SHOUTED AT?

2. Don’t be a weasel. Don’t promise a “Great Bargain” or say anything sensationalist. Also, it’s dishonest to use a flashy subject line that actually has no relevance to the message text, or to falsely imply “you contacted us first” by starting a header with “Re” or “per your request” or the like.

3. Never leave a Subject Line blank.

4. Limit your line to six words, and put the most important words first.

5. Include your company name only if most recipients will recognize it as trustworthy.

6. Don’t set your server to include the recipient’s name or e-mail address in the Subject Line.

7. Google “spam indicators” to learn what else not to do.

You can read the full article from which this list was gleaned here.